The Cycle Continues

I've been here before.
I've definately been here before.
I know this place, I know this feeling, I know what's going to happen.
Can I not stop this?
Can I not change this stupid sick cycle carousel?
I don't know.
Big surprise, I never know.
My friends must be sick of this by now.
But it's not like I can help it.
It just all... happens.


There are days that I wish I could stop feeling.
Days that I wish I could just stop existing.
I could, you know.
It would be easy.
One slip of the hand, one tiny little moment of pain.
And then freedom.
I can't do it though.
I've tried.
I chicken out each time.
There's something inside of me that wants to continue this.
Continue this daily pain and confusion and loneliness.
Continue being lost in a forgotten world.

We all have the chance.
The chance to change the world,
The chance to be different,
The chance to be honest.
Funny thing that chance is.
We get it so many times, but almost never will we take advantage of it.
And when we do, we see all the other chances the we missed out on.
Those are gone.
For good.
Never to return.

I try to do what is best for everyone.
Everyone that is, except myself.
So when I finally do something that I feel is right,
I'm made to question.
I give up.
Maybe I'm not meant to be happy.
Maybe I'm meant to be a nun.
Either way, the options suck.
And I'm stuck right back where I started.
And the cycle continues.

Maybe one day I'll get out of this.
Maybe some day a man will come and pull me from the horse,
The one that continues,
Up and down, up and down, always in the same boring old cycle.
Will he be strong enough?
Will I allow him in?
Who knows
But until then, the cycle continues.